First Class Award 2017, Tapestry magazine
Comments from the judge.
1. Content
Strengths: In all, the book has a pretty solid variety of writings. You have poetry covered, and fiction. There are some student artworks here, with room for more, and you've chosen an interesting array of stock photos to use as backgrounds for your layouts (and they correlate with the writings pretty well, too). It's clear that this is a student-generated literary magazine, which I think is great.
Recommendations: I'm not 100% onboard with the two-page spreads featuring a quote from your staff members. This is a lot of page space dedicated to something that comes across as a bit indulgent, or nepotistic. I would also encourage you to include a larger variety of writing genres in here if you can. Encourage less formulaic poetry, some personal essays, some dialogue/monologues. Also, consider ways to include a larger number of student-created visual art (including 3D, jewelry, textiles, etc. as fits your student body).
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
Strengths: In all, the book has a pretty solid variety of writings. You have poetry covered, and fiction. There are some student artworks here, with room for more, and you've chosen an interesting array of stock photos to use as backgrounds for your layouts (and they correlate with the writings pretty well, too). It's clear that this is a student-generated literary magazine, which I think is great.
Recommendations: I'm not 100% onboard with the two-page spreads featuring a quote from your staff members. This is a lot of page space dedicated to something that comes across as a bit indulgent, or nepotistic. I would also encourage you to include a larger variety of writing genres in here if you can. Encourage less formulaic poetry, some personal essays, some dialogue/monologues. Also, consider ways to include a larger number of student-created visual art (including 3D, jewelry, textiles, etc. as fits your student body).
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
2. Writing and Editing
Strengths: These pieces are clearly coming straight from your writers' hearts. The anger of "They Once were all Friends," the sense of loss in "Plastic Flowers" and "The Perfect Fit", the bittersweet melancholy of "You Didn't". Across a range of forms and genres, your writers are sharing their experiences and emotions with the reader in an honest and open way, which I really appreciated.
Recommendations: The writing in the magazine really would benefit from some attention. There are some minor editing issues (such as "Our word's" in line 1 of pg. 6, which should read, "Our words"), but the larger area for growth are in the use of the language itself. For example, you chose "iridescence" as your theme; "iridescence" is the quality some things, such as soap bubbles, have where they appear to change color depending on the angle or lighting. On pg. 7 you define "iridescence" as "a spectrum of colors since everyone writes not all poems or proses [sic] give off the same feelings". Color is created in the viewer's eyes and mind, just as the emotions in a piece of writing are created in the heart and mind of the reader. But your definition sort of jumbled up that cause/effect relationship. This is a smallish change, but it makes a big difference in understanding your ideas. I saw a number of places in the writing where similar things were going on. To work through this in future years, I'd suggest having a large audience (10-20 people?) read each piece, and have them summarize what the piece is about to them. Then, take those 10-20 summaries and share them with the writer. If the writer sees that his or her ideas are not coming across clearly, then they can go back and revise the writing to get closer to what they first set out to communicate to the reader.
Total points: 80 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
Strengths: These pieces are clearly coming straight from your writers' hearts. The anger of "They Once were all Friends," the sense of loss in "Plastic Flowers" and "The Perfect Fit", the bittersweet melancholy of "You Didn't". Across a range of forms and genres, your writers are sharing their experiences and emotions with the reader in an honest and open way, which I really appreciated.
Recommendations: The writing in the magazine really would benefit from some attention. There are some minor editing issues (such as "Our word's" in line 1 of pg. 6, which should read, "Our words"), but the larger area for growth are in the use of the language itself. For example, you chose "iridescence" as your theme; "iridescence" is the quality some things, such as soap bubbles, have where they appear to change color depending on the angle or lighting. On pg. 7 you define "iridescence" as "a spectrum of colors since everyone writes not all poems or proses [sic] give off the same feelings". Color is created in the viewer's eyes and mind, just as the emotions in a piece of writing are created in the heart and mind of the reader. But your definition sort of jumbled up that cause/effect relationship. This is a smallish change, but it makes a big difference in understanding your ideas. I saw a number of places in the writing where similar things were going on. To work through this in future years, I'd suggest having a large audience (10-20 people?) read each piece, and have them summarize what the piece is about to them. Then, take those 10-20 summaries and share them with the writer. If the writer sees that his or her ideas are not coming across clearly, then they can go back and revise the writing to get closer to what they first set out to communicate to the reader.
Total points: 80 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
3. Photography, Art, Graphics
Strengths: The digital photo montage on pg. 39 was interesting. It would have been even stronger if the boy had not been smiling as he contemplates his romantic dilemma.... The painting/drawing on 40 really seems to work well with the poem. The burning paper on 44 is well done and fits the poem, too. The digitally altered photographs in the book show some skill and talent in this arena. I enjoyed the angle they added to the overall book.
Recommendations: Many of the images in the book are unattributed. This leads me to wonder where they came from? If they are royalty-free (like from Shutterstock, or Getty Images), or if you paid for them from other sources, you ought to credit them in some way in the book. Perhaps on the layouts, or in an index in the back of the book? If they are the fruit if your staff's hard work and inspiration, then they ought to get proper credit, too. For the student artworks, it would be useful to readers if you mentioned the medium for each work (i.e., tell us that "Uncharted Territory" on 32 is crayon and marker on paper).
Total points: 90/ 100
Mark of Distinction: No
Strengths: The digital photo montage on pg. 39 was interesting. It would have been even stronger if the boy had not been smiling as he contemplates his romantic dilemma.... The painting/drawing on 40 really seems to work well with the poem. The burning paper on 44 is well done and fits the poem, too. The digitally altered photographs in the book show some skill and talent in this arena. I enjoyed the angle they added to the overall book.
Recommendations: Many of the images in the book are unattributed. This leads me to wonder where they came from? If they are royalty-free (like from Shutterstock, or Getty Images), or if you paid for them from other sources, you ought to credit them in some way in the book. Perhaps on the layouts, or in an index in the back of the book? If they are the fruit if your staff's hard work and inspiration, then they ought to get proper credit, too. For the student artworks, it would be useful to readers if you mentioned the medium for each work (i.e., tell us that "Uncharted Territory" on 32 is crayon and marker on paper).
Total points: 90/ 100
Mark of Distinction: No
4. Design
Strengths: I think you have a consistent design aesthetic in the magazine, which is a good thing. The book for me does not hang together from a design perspective, except in the sense that a few repeating approaches continually tie the disparate layouts together. The connectors, for me, were full-page graphics, bold colors, and a lack of "white space". These elements are consistent and add some coherence to the book. That said, I did not personally connect with this approach. I felt that the pages were a bit crowded, and that many of the layouts would have benefited from being scaled down 20% (smaller images, less zoom, or smaller text).
Recommendations: Some of the layouts are extremely hard to read, due to font color, the transparency on the text boxes, the background images, etc. A layout that worked well for readability and harmony between text and image was "Losing Touch" (p. 38); one which did not work well was your Table of Contents. Or, pg. 16 where the text overprints the red arm. I read the adviser's letter in the magazine, and if he had not mentioned the shifting colors in the book trying to imitate the changing of the seasons, I would never have gotten there on my own.
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
Strengths: I think you have a consistent design aesthetic in the magazine, which is a good thing. The book for me does not hang together from a design perspective, except in the sense that a few repeating approaches continually tie the disparate layouts together. The connectors, for me, were full-page graphics, bold colors, and a lack of "white space". These elements are consistent and add some coherence to the book. That said, I did not personally connect with this approach. I felt that the pages were a bit crowded, and that many of the layouts would have benefited from being scaled down 20% (smaller images, less zoom, or smaller text).
Recommendations: Some of the layouts are extremely hard to read, due to font color, the transparency on the text boxes, the background images, etc. A layout that worked well for readability and harmony between text and image was "Losing Touch" (p. 38); one which did not work well was your Table of Contents. Or, pg. 16 where the text overprints the red arm. I read the adviser's letter in the magazine, and if he had not mentioned the shifting colors in the book trying to imitate the changing of the seasons, I would never have gotten there on my own.
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
5. Concept
Strengths: I think you had an ambitions concept for the book, from the word "iridesence" to the use of layering and color throughout the pages. I did struggle, however, with the way that your theme was really a misapplication of the concept of iridesence, and that pulled me out of the concept quite a bit. When I zoom out in Adobe reader and select two-page continuous view, I can see the progression of color from section to section across the pages. When I was reading in full-page mode, however, that was not so obvious.
Recommendations: I think that future volumes of the magazine might use the editor's letter space as a way to introduce the concept to the readers a bit more explicitly. (I realize the poem was intended to do that, but I think I missed that as I read it more as an artwork than as a guidepost). I also think that really nailing down a theme/concept that is logically consistent and coherent will also pay off with a more seamless experience for the reader.
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
Strengths: I think you had an ambitions concept for the book, from the word "iridesence" to the use of layering and color throughout the pages. I did struggle, however, with the way that your theme was really a misapplication of the concept of iridesence, and that pulled me out of the concept quite a bit. When I zoom out in Adobe reader and select two-page continuous view, I can see the progression of color from section to section across the pages. When I was reading in full-page mode, however, that was not so obvious.
Recommendations: I think that future volumes of the magazine might use the editor's letter space as a way to introduce the concept to the readers a bit more explicitly. (I realize the poem was intended to do that, but I think I missed that as I read it more as an artwork than as a guidepost). I also think that really nailing down a theme/concept that is logically consistent and coherent will also pay off with a more seamless experience for the reader.
Total points: 90 / 100
Mark of Distinction: No
6. Student Work
The adviser provided estimates on the percentage of work done completely by students, as well as online and social media content. Please award up to 10 bonus points.
Points: 9 of 10 bonus points possible
The adviser provided estimates on the percentage of work done completely by students, as well as online and social media content. Please award up to 10 bonus points.
Points: 9 of 10 bonus points possible
7. Summary
Judge's Summary Comments: For me, as an English teacher, the weaknesses in the writing across many of the pieces really took me out of the experience of the book too many times. From mixed metaphors, to faulty parallelism, to using the close-but-not-quite-right word, to minor editing gaffes, there were a number of places here where the writing needed one or two more passes through the polisher. Though, when one sees the size of your staff, it is clear that you all had to work devilishly hard to produce a magazine of this quality in the first place, which does not allow a lot of extra time and energy for working over your verbage. Yet, that's what I'd suggest. After that, I really would suggest a cleaner design aesthetic for the next go 'round. Try a "lean" book with no bleeding images, with smaller fonts, with upper/lower case fonts. Then compare/contrast with this volume, and see which you like better and how you can tweak each approach to find your staff's balance between light and heavy.
Score:
Honor Rating: First Class
Judge: Stephen Kennedy
Judge's Summary Comments: For me, as an English teacher, the weaknesses in the writing across many of the pieces really took me out of the experience of the book too many times. From mixed metaphors, to faulty parallelism, to using the close-but-not-quite-right word, to minor editing gaffes, there were a number of places here where the writing needed one or two more passes through the polisher. Though, when one sees the size of your staff, it is clear that you all had to work devilishly hard to produce a magazine of this quality in the first place, which does not allow a lot of extra time and energy for working over your verbage. Yet, that's what I'd suggest. After that, I really would suggest a cleaner design aesthetic for the next go 'round. Try a "lean" book with no bleeding images, with smaller fonts, with upper/lower case fonts. Then compare/contrast with this volume, and see which you like better and how you can tweak each approach to find your staff's balance between light and heavy.
Score:
- Content: 90
- Writing and Editing: 80
- Photography, Art, Graphics: 90
- Design: 90
- Concept: 90
- Student Work: 9
- Total Score: 449
Honor Rating: First Class
Judge: Stephen Kennedy